Tonkin’s Model of Grief
As those new layers of your life build around your grief, your life grows around the pain, so that even though it is still there, you can still create a life that is beautiful.
If you have ever lost someone, you have probably asked yourself, Will the pain of this grief ever really go away? Grief is the word used to describe how you feel after someone close to you has gone. Grief affects us all in different ways.
Now, imagine your life for a moment as a black mark.
You could be overwhelmed with emotions. Feeling like grief has taken over your body. You could be thinking about it in the morning, at night, or anywhere you go.
You have probably heard that old saying, Time heals all wounds. They thought that you would eventually move on. But with grief, that wound does not just heal over and disappear. The pain will always be a part of who you are as a person. It is not even getting any smaller.
While this grief will never go away, you may grow around it over time.
What happens is that, over time, as we begin to engage with this new reality, we build new experiences around it. Gaining different experiences, new memories, and growing older. Your grief may never shrink, but the circle around it grows.
Grief will always be there. You will never forget the loss of a loved one, but you can learn to live with it. This grief will sometimes be triggered by any special occasion you used to share with them. Sometimes it feels like no one around you understands why you feel like you do, but grief is different for all of us.
This is one way that could help you understand grief. There are still moments of deep pain and sorrow. There are also moments of new joy, love, and purpose. And as those new layers of your life build around your grief, your life grows around the pain, so that even though it is still there, you can still create a life that is beautiful and meaningful to you. And so your life will expand around your grief to shape a new normal and a new you.
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Source: Dr. Julie Smith